Family Life
Nobody Tells You How Lonely Moving Abroad Can Feel
Moving abroad isn't just about paperwork, finding a home or learning a new city. Sometimes the hardest part is rebuilding the support system you never realized you depended on.
8 min read
There are plenty of articles about moving abroad.
They'll tell you how to apply for residency, where to find a home, which schools to visit or how much groceries cost.
Those articles are useful.
We write them too.
But there is one part of moving abroad that almost nobody prepares you for.
Loneliness.
Not the dramatic kind.
The quiet kind.
The kind that slowly appears in the middle of ordinary days.
I Didn't Feel Lonely When We Left
When we decided to leave Boston, I wasn't afraid of starting over.
In fact, I've started over many times in my life.
New jobs.
New countries.
New projects.
Beginning again has never really scared me.
What I didn't expect was that loneliness wouldn't arrive when we landed in Spain.
It arrived later.
Boston Taught Me What Friendship Really Means
For years, I thought I didn't have that many close friends.
Life was busy.
Everyone had their own routines.
We didn't necessarily see each other every week.
It wasn't until we left that I realised something.
I had exactly the friends I needed.
Every time we moved apartments in Boston, my friend Sophie was there.
Without making a big deal about it.
She simply showed up.
She carried boxes.
She helped us organise.
She made moving feel possible.
When we arrived in Spain, we first stayed in Madrid with friends who generously opened their home to us.
But eventually, it was time to move again.
This time to Málaga.
Eight suitcases.
Two young children.
An entirely new city.
No Sophie.
No friends waiting for us.
That was the first time I truly felt alone.
Loneliness Doesn't Usually Look Like You Expect
It doesn't always mean sitting by yourself.
Sometimes it looks like spending an entire day speaking only to your children.
Sometimes it means having nobody to call when something unexpected happens.
Sometimes it simply means realising that everyone else already has a life here.
And you're starting from zero.
Not professionally.
Personally.
The Day I Needed a Friend More Than Anything
When our youngest son Noah became seriously ill, everything stopped.
Hospital visits.
Long days.
Uncertainty.
Fear.
During that time, I realised something I had never really thought about before.
I didn't just need support.
I needed a friend.
Someone who understood what it feels like to raise children far away from your family.
Someone who could simply say,
"How are you doing?"
Not because they had to.
Because they wanted to.
The Birthday I'll Never Forget
There is one memory that still makes me emotional.
When our daughter Emma turned five years old, Noah was in hospital with pneumonia.
Enrique stayed with him.
I went alone to Emma's birthday party.
No grandparents.
No lifelong friends.
None of the people who had known me before I became a mother.
Just me, trying to make sure my daughter still had a beautiful birthday.
I remember smiling.
Decorating.
Welcoming the children.
Trying to make everything feel normal.
Inside, it felt anything but normal.
And then something beautiful happened.
Mónica—a friend of my mother's—and Eugenia, another school mum, heard what had happened.
Without hesitation, they came early to help decorate the party.
They didn't solve the situation.
Nobody could.
But they made sure I didn't have to carry it completely alone.
I'll never forget that kindness.
Sometimes, when you move abroad, your support system doesn't disappear.
It slowly rebuilds itself.
One unexpected person at a time.
Christmas Feels Different
The holidays are probably the hardest part.
This past Christmas, it was just us and my mother-in-law.
It wasn't a bad Christmas.
It simply wasn't the Christmas we grew up with.
There were no crowded family tables.
No cousins running around.
No grandparents filling the house with noise.
Moving abroad often means accepting that some celebrations will feel quieter than they used to.
And sometimes, quieter feels a lot like lonely.
The Trade-Off Nobody Can Make for You
People often ask whether moving abroad is worth it.
I don't think anyone else can answer that question.
Because every family weighs different things.
For us, life on the Costa del Sol has given us an incredible quality of life.
Our children grow up close to the sea.
We spend more time outdoors.
Our pace of life is calmer.
Those things matter deeply to us.
But they don't erase the fact that our families are far away.
Choosing where to live is rarely about finding the perfect place.
It's about deciding which compromises you're willing to make.
For us, the distance from family is the hardest one.
And yet, we still believe this is where we want to build our life.
If You're Feeling Lonely Too
Maybe you've just moved abroad.
Maybe everyone around you seems to have already found their place.
Maybe you've spent the whole day talking to your children without having a real conversation with another adult.
Maybe you've cried after putting them to bed.
If that's you...
You're not failing.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You're simply living through a part of moving abroad that almost nobody talks about.
The photos on Instagram usually come later.
The friendships take time.
The feeling of belonging takes even longer.
And one day, without even noticing exactly when it happened, you'll realise that this place no longer feels unfamiliar.
It feels like home.
Not because everything became easy.
But because, little by little, you found your people.